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“Let me be honest with you.” she said towards the end, “Sometimes I do feel guilty and cheap that I am selling myself for sex. But it also turns me on. I especially love having sex with the poorest clients – the fifty rupees men as we call them. They are so rough, dominating, wild… Almost like animals. In comparison, the educated and richer guys seem tame. I don’t know why, but as a man is more and more educated, he seems to satisfy me less and less in bed. You probably won’t understand…. But there’s a perverse and intense pleasure in being a fifty rupee whore for those wild, uneducated penniless men.”Somehow that struck a cord with me. And I realized why I had been so unsatisfied even after having sex with those other men in recent times. They were good in bed, but they were too gentle, too nice, too….. Normal. Apparently, I did not want that. I wanted men like the ones Padma mentioned. Men like Zahid and Mansoor whom someone like me normally would not even look at, much less talk. But several times in the week the fears came back. Dave had to go away on business Monday and Tuesday, and as Charlotte, Callan’s ex-wife, was also at a loose end, I ended up inviting her over to share a bottle of wine.Charlotte and I have a strange and complicated relationship. At college, she’d stolen my boyfriend of two years away from me, when Callan had dumped me to date her. And for several years I hated her with a passion. But as the years had passed, and motherhood and our family occupied me, I didn’t have the energy, or desire, to hate her or bear a grudge. Life was too short and there were too many other important things. And as Callan and Charlotte had settled in the same community, that Dave and I had also made home after college, we gradually settled into a wary tolerance and acceptance.What changed this into a genuine friendship was when Callan’s father passed away and his senile and bed-ridden mother came to live with them. I saw the loving way that Charlotte looked.
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